I would like you all to note that I actually wrote this post about a month ago. There are some corrections to be made, mainly the facts that at the time I wrote this, I really wasn’t ready to be in a relationship and the guy actually gave me an underlying creeps. Which is probably why I wasn’t attracted to him. Upon our second encounter, my opinion was only solidified. The guy really isn’t all THAT good –looking, combined with the creeps and a general feeling on wariness are all perfect reasons why I wasn’t attracted to him. But I thought the whole point about the scenario was still valid so I decided to still post it below…
What equals attraction? I know this topic has been all over the blog world, with people such as Rachel and Indy putting their two cents in. I have given my two cents already. I stick by it:
First of all, it comes down to chemistry, a spark between people – usually brought on by several characteristics: similar sense of humour (very important), kindness, loyalty, intelligence, a passion for life, ambition and thoughtfulness. This is my list mind you and everyone has a different one. And I still stick by my vote that MONEY is not important to me in the least. Yes, says Indy, this is probably because I have money. But so what? It just doesn’t matter to me – ambition does, but that is not ruled by the all-mighty dollar. I want a man to have goals for himself and his life, to want to strive to get there – whether these goals mean selling his paintings on the street or what have you.
Looks are important – this is always stressed by everyone. But what about them? ATTRACTION is important, not looks. I can be attracted to the strangest people (Conan O’Brian, or Jack Black anyone?) that are not conventionally good-looking just because something else they possess pulls me towards them (mainly humour, fun, good-spirit etc).
So, thankfully, the homeliest guy can be found attractive to me if there are other factors that surpass that and add up to the thing called “chemistry.”
But can the most handsome guy be found bland if the chemistry lacks?
Or maybe, just being TOO attractive can render someone unattractive.
I met a friend of a friend for drinks the other day – while I knew what he looked like and had been talking to him for a while, I was SHOCKED to meet him face to face.
He was tall – 6’4”, in a snazzy pinstripe suit and tie, shiny aviator glasses, nicely browned from recent days in the Indonesian sun. Oh and he looked like a BETTER looking version of James Franco. A 6’4” James Franco look alike.
My first thought, “I think I’ve seen this guy on the cover of GQ” followed by “he is WAY too good-looking to be seen with me.”
Maybe I am just easily impressed – a suit and tie does do it for me everytime (love that old-fashioned glamour), I suppose because I very rarely see guys my age wearing one (GQ was 30 and had to wear one for work). I also notice that I rarely see any guy that I would consider “hot” – maybe because attraction for me always happens after I get to know them. So when I see someone who would – by Hollywood standards – be considered “gorgeous” - it’s a bit of a novelty.
As we walked down the street to the Freehouse bar overlooking English Bay, I couldn’t help but feel like I was with a celebrity. This guy had every woman on the street turning heads. Suddenly I felt like laughing my ass off – I felt like the dumpy female with the hot guy and imagined all the women going “how did someone like her get someone like him?”
It was a turn-off, actually. I want to make clear to you all that this was NOT a date of any sort, this ridiculously good-looking dude was in fact a friend. And that could be why- even though I and everyone else on the street could plainly see he was extremely attractive – I was just not “attracted” to him. I didn’t want to see him as anything more.
As we sat down and talked for hours, I did note that there were things that would come into my whole list of things that I find attractive – we did have a similar sense of humour, especially when it came to quoting The Simpsons and Caddyshack. We both loved Classic Rock and were going to the Police concert at the end of the month. We both paid our dues at Vancover Film School.
But alas, there just wasn’t a spark. Which was fine with me because I honestly did not want there to be one. I just want to make friends, meet new people and have some fun.
It just struck me as kind of odd though, that the main excuse I was using for why I didn’t “like” this guy was because he was too good-looking. But it’s true. Because being ”really, really ridiculously good looking” means a lot of bad things in my books (Blue Steel is the least of these).
Maybe I am unfairly putting GQ guy into a box but in my opinion and experience, really good-looking guys are unfaithful. They cheat. They can’t be monogamous. They have no sense of loyalty. They are conceited. Vain. Shallow. Arrogant. Uncaring. Unkind. Flaky. Bad in bed (according to Samantha from SATC because “they never had to be good”). Have roving eyes. Expect perfection from those with them. They are fake. They have no faith. You can never trust them. They are good liars. They induce insecurity.
GQ was also actually an actor, looking to get into modeling. An actor? No thanks. Again, I am stereotyping but usually, actors aren’t the smartest cookies. Their ambition and passion (when present) I admire but….
And then I think, who is the shallow one here? Here is a guy that most girls would be interested in for shallow reasons, and then I find I am not because he’s not good enough for me…in other ways. Can shallowness just be about appearances or does it extend to someone not being smart enough, funny enough, kind enough – or are all these factors just a matter of what floats your boat?
Can you ever be too good-looking (males and females)? Is it too much of a good thing? Do really attractive people sometimes face the same problems as really unattractive people? Can something that is so highly praised in this shallow society we live in, actually work against you? Or is it just me – I need more than just a pretty face…and I don’t care if that makes me shallow or not.
