*cough* I seem to have found a drawback to living alone.You're often alone when you don't want to be. And playing Coldplay on rotation does not help either.
The thing is, I do love being alone. I think I make excellent company. But I've been alone for the last three days, sitting by myself in my apartment. Yes, I've waxed (and waned) and used my time wisely. But like houseguests who start to smell like rotting fish after a few days (I think that's how the saying goes) I think my own company is starting to stink.
It doesn't help that my boyfriend and I live 30 minutes apart, so it's not like I can just drop by his place anyway. There is no room for spontaneity. We have to schedule our time together. We have to make 'dates' with each other. And the thing is, I'm the one who is always free. Isn't that sad? What happened to my busy life (or was that called University?). Yesterday I made plans with a friend, and then she bailed. Then she came out to see me tonight, but only for a quick bite and not for the episode of Lost like I had thought. And then my other friend couldn't make it over for Lost either. Boo.
So, I watched Lost alone (and which I will post about tomorrow...hoo boy, was that a doozy). Which I hate to do, because this is the type of show you need to watch with people (see above, re: a doozy).
Which makes me think: I need a hobby. Why is everyone else in my life busy except for me? Do I need to take on more responsibilities (please, GOD, say no)? Am I only feeling sad and lonely because I am in a relationship and therefore am sad and alone when I don't see my guy (keep in mind I don't see him often anyway)? And if so, when the hell did I become so pathetic? How come when I was single (THREE whole years), I was happy as a clam to hole up in my apartment and do whatever the hell I wanted, for weeks at a time. And now, if I go without seeing my boyfriend, or hanging out with people for more than four days (is four days a long time?), I get all weepy and self-loathing and weak?
Seems like a good time to delve into a bottle of wine, but I can't even do that because of my self-imposed no-drinking policy (2 1/2 weeks and counting without a drop).
*sigh* I don't want to be this weepy, pathetic shit. Bring back the Independent Woman.
